I've never been so happy in my life. For the past two nights I've been having nightmares about O levels - how i got all A2s, how i failed higher chinese so badly its ungraded. Thank God those nightmares didnt come true. I was so nervous on that day I had to watch youtube videos on the way to school to distract me. When we were seated in the hall and all the statistics were shown everyone was cheering. I dont understand why a cohort average of 12.2 was something to cheer about. I only cheered like a madwoman when I saw Physics had 100% passes - now THATS something to cheer about. Soon they were doing this thing where the names of students with 7 distinctions were flashed on the screen. A small part of me was hoping I could be one of those people but as numerous slides passed, I started to feel disappointment and sadness creep up on me. It was only when Si Jia told me "eh kim your name up there leh" when I was so shocked I started crying wtf. 

Ok the whole day was a really emotional day for me I cried from the moment I stood up all the way until i left school. When I was queuing to collect my results my legs were literally SHAKING. they were all wobbly and unstable. I bet some people are like "you got 7 distinctions, worry for what?" but it was just like my dream where they were all A2s!! When i took my report card i was still tearing lol wtf i am a gayshit (i dont normally cry this much ok unless its a sad movie or something) At first i couldnt tell what i got - just that i PASSED HIGHER CHINESE!!!! let me just say that i think this is my first time passing higher chinese. ever. i even failed midyears and prelims. I went to the stage to slowly calculate my L1R5. When i realised i got 8 i started crying even more cos i was so damn happy. There were a few parents standing near me and giving me pitiful looks - well, if you saw a girl standing by herself looking at her report card and crying a river you would assume she got 54 points. I wanted to leave the hall to call my parents so i walked out alone, crying so hard. I walked past my two physics teachers I must have looked miserable... 

I was so excited to call my parents because I wanted them to feel proud of me. I hardly get to make them feel proud so i was so happy i finally had good news for them! I called my mom first and i was still crying so i couldnt really speak properly. It went something like this "mom! mom! *sniff* i got my *sniff* results" "how was it?" "*sniff sniff* i.. cant.. really talk right now.. how about i sms you instead?.. *takes a deep breath* *tells results*" then i called my dad my sister and tuition teacher to tell them as well (: I know some people didnt do well and arent happy with their results and i cant help feeling guilty i did well. My dad, i know hes proud of me but he keeps telling me about his colleagues whos children didnt do well, and that makes me feel bad. 

Im really happy and blessed that i did well. I remember wanting to prove myself to anyone who ever looked down on me. I wasnt one of those people who did consistently well throughout the year, in fact im the opposite. I was failing physics amaths and higher chinese all the time. I was in the bottom half of my class and my level ranking was like 150. And i really really really wanted to make my parents, teachers and tuition teachers proud of me. Im truly thankful i had the opportunity to do so (:

14 - 15 Jan - School Searching

On the 14th i went to NYJC and SAJC open house with my friends! I thought NYJC was not bad, i could see myself at that school. but it didnt have that special feel you know? i think a part of me is trying to find a school that is similar to TK and thats why i havent found a school that really appealed to me. At NYJC open house we asked a lot of questions about the different subject combinations. I asked if it was possible to take H2 Geog and History and the teacher told me it was rare for students to ask for that combi. Last year only one person was interested so they couldnt open up a class. I was also interested in H1 bio but in NYJC you can only take bio if you take pure bio or combined science bio in secondary school which i did not take. so i was pretty frustrated that this school didnt offer the subjects i wanted. i was frustrated and stressed and grumpy the whole day because i was getting more and more confused of where i wanted to go, what subjects i wanted to take and what career i wanted to pursue. i didnt really have a preference for any jc but i guess nyjc was as good as it gets for me. SA was a disappointment (or maybe cos we only arrived when it was one hour before the end of open house) cos it didnt have anything special. the only thing that looked cool and active was their ccas, which was the least of my concerns at that moment. I was so confused even about choosing the jc or poly route.

When i went home and thought things through i realised the only reason i wanted NYJC was cos there was a chance Adele Chin Hannah and Clara was going there. I guess i just really wanted to hold on to the possibility that i could go to the same school as my best friends. But then I realized that it might not be the best school for ME for me you know? im looking for a school that isnt too hardcore in studies yet pushes its students enough to do well. Im looking for a school that has a wonderful culture. so i started to consider VJC cos ive heard many good things about it.

On the 15th i met up with Adele for lunch at MPL then we went to VJC. My senior said he can show us around and answer our questions! Adele and I didnt bother going for the open house cos we thought VJC was out of our league.. i remember saying "VJC? dont want la! i confirm wont get in plus its so damn far!" and now VJC seems like the perfect school, the only problem - distance. TK was already so far from my area (Clementi) and took slightly over an hour to travel to. VJC is even further and can take me up to one and a half hours. I asked my dad about this and he said "distance is nothing in Singapore, no place can be considered too far. Just pick the school that would be best for you" so now im putting VJC as my top choice and praying i get in.